It's all about me.

With the start of residency I've had the opportunity to exercise a bit of independence. For the entire month of July, Pete and I would only see each other on Saturday evenings and Sundays. This meant that there wasn't much discussion on just about anything. We chatted here and there, and those moments were really reserved for cute stories about Addy or a few details from his workday. What they didn't include: details about Addy's food intake, discussion about how Addy is starting to require discipline now that she's mobile, or how I feel about working while she is down the street about a mile being cared for by someone else.

Fast forward to this month. Pete gets home at a much more reasonable hour, we a few hours together most evenings, and have time to socialize with friends. All it took was one month of exercising my independence for me to start resenting his input on things. After all, I took care of Addy by myself for an entire month. How could I possibly need any help in determining her needs? Instead of merely agreeing with him when he suggests a way to react to her behavior, I get defensive. I don't need any help. I can do it all by myself. All the I's and me's and myself's in this post are making me sick.

I found myself thinking about how I want Addy to be disciplined, how I want her to be exposed to God's Word daily, how it might look if I were the one doing all those things for her. One thing I haven't been thinking about enough - discussing it with Pete. Perhaps somewhere in my thoughts is a redeming quality of not wanting to bother Pete unnecessarily when he is so busy. But that is not what is really happening. I'm contemplating making decisions without him. Even our previously agreed on "cry it out" business, which hasn't had to be employed often, is really not being strictly adhered to by any stretch of the imagination. This is a prime example of the non-communication that so many parents exhibit and kids don't know how to respond to.

This whole epiphany hit me on my drive in this morning. I'm going to have to work through how to rectify this, because I know it will take some conscious effort on my part and a lot of grace on Pete's.

While I'm confessing here, can I just say that I've recently (over the past few months) been left feeling ashamed of how I talk to and treat Pete in front of others. Our marriage counselor advised us that marriage would show us our sins like nothing else ever had. Perhaps we can ammend the statement to say, until you have kids. Now that we have Addy I realize that everything I do can be mimicked by here and that our behavior will shape her view of what is right, what is Godly, and what is normal.