I took 7 weeks off work after I had Addy. Then I came back part-time for the next 4 weeks. It was a good setup, and I can't say I wasn't a little happy to have some productivity back in my life. Part of that might have been because I was unintentionally starving my baby so she cried a smidge more than the typical baby (in our defense, how could we have known? we're new to this business). And to be honest, those first 8 weeks with baby were HARD.
Now we seem to have a rhythm. It's good. She's starting to sleep through the night (knock on wood), she's more playful (she rolls over, though I haven't seen it in person yet), and she's so attentive! Being with her is like coming home to fresh baked apple pie that doesn't give you love handles. I just want to kiss her and hold her and make her smile all the time. And sure, it's not 100% beeming, radiant smiles at my house, but it's good. It's down right lovely a lot of the time.
I wasn't sure if I would come back to work or not, after having the baby. And to be honest, some days my heart hurts so much that I'm not with her, that I wonder how long I will stay working. But it's the right thing for now. It's good for me, and probably good for her. Definitely good for our family to have some income.
I just don't want to miss anything. I feel like she's growing up (she's almost 4 months old already!) without me. I come home in time to feed her, play for a little bit, and then she's mostly sleeping the rest of the evening. I've started coming to work a bit later, because this little girl is a morning person. She's so cute and cuddly and smiley in the mornings. And I don't want to miss it. I want her to see me and smile, not look confused because she hasn't really seen me in days.
Perhaps this is just a phase. I have a lot of evening responsibilities right now, and maybe they'll go away soon. But I'm afraid they never will. That there will always be something that fills my days and nights. And what I really want is to love my girl. To hold her and play with her and watch her grow. Because these days will never return.
I hope that even if I continue to work until I'm old and gray that she'll know I love her just as much. Just as much as I possibly can. More than I ever thought possible.
Now we seem to have a rhythm. It's good. She's starting to sleep through the night (knock on wood), she's more playful (she rolls over, though I haven't seen it in person yet), and she's so attentive! Being with her is like coming home to fresh baked apple pie that doesn't give you love handles. I just want to kiss her and hold her and make her smile all the time. And sure, it's not 100% beeming, radiant smiles at my house, but it's good. It's down right lovely a lot of the time.
I wasn't sure if I would come back to work or not, after having the baby. And to be honest, some days my heart hurts so much that I'm not with her, that I wonder how long I will stay working. But it's the right thing for now. It's good for me, and probably good for her. Definitely good for our family to have some income.
I just don't want to miss anything. I feel like she's growing up (she's almost 4 months old already!) without me. I come home in time to feed her, play for a little bit, and then she's mostly sleeping the rest of the evening. I've started coming to work a bit later, because this little girl is a morning person. She's so cute and cuddly and smiley in the mornings. And I don't want to miss it. I want her to see me and smile, not look confused because she hasn't really seen me in days.
Perhaps this is just a phase. I have a lot of evening responsibilities right now, and maybe they'll go away soon. But I'm afraid they never will. That there will always be something that fills my days and nights. And what I really want is to love my girl. To hold her and play with her and watch her grow. Because these days will never return.
I hope that even if I continue to work until I'm old and gray that she'll know I love her just as much. Just as much as I possibly can. More than I ever thought possible.
I smiled through your whole post - so much love. Of course she will know you love her so, so much. Also, am glad to read things are getting easier - makes me want a baby!
ReplyDeleteThis is so sweet. Lots of love.
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