So I subscribe to a blog (challies.com) that's pretty great. But one of common topics is the use of internet/technology/facebook/etc. And how it's not always good. And how Facebook makes people feel bad about themselves, because they think everyone else is all hunky doory all the time. Well I'm not sure if blogging is going to be a long term thing for me, but while I am doing it, I'm committed to keeping it real. I'll try to throw in some messy stuff with all the gushy baby love.
I'm a mess - volume 1.
A friend asked last night if having Adalie has been good for our marriage. I said, "ummmmm...no." Not because we aren't filled to the brim with love for her. Not that we don't laugh and love and respect one another. But because we can be short with one another. (Sorry, I know some people just cringed over "But because"). We can resent the time one another does or doesn't spend with Adalie or with each other. And we've had a few ugly fights since the babe came along. And we were pretty well past ugly fighting by the time we got pregnant with her (we've come a long way since that first year of marriage...). But when you are tired, or feeling pulled in a lot of directions, the easy thing to do is tell your husband he's a jerk. At least it is if you're me. And I hear myself, and I hear that I am being nasty. And I hate it. I hate it, but I want him to know how I feel, so I chose to be mean instead of mature and calm and patient and loving. I'm so not proud of that, but I am happy to be working through it with Pete. Because he is patient. He is kind. And we're in this together. Mess and all.
Sorry I'm a blog stalker and I comment on basically all of your posts, but I KNOW! We were just talking about this at Jen's...do you remember? I said something about how Luke and I have fought so much more and you said, "There's just more to fight about". And I just quoted your line to Ashley Franz last night when we were talking about this.
ReplyDeleteThanks for keeping it real! While I can't exactly relate to the parenting change -- I for sure understand the concept of Facebook contributing to my attitude. Sometimes it's really hard for me to see the same person going on stellar vacations all the time, or the huge house a friend just purchased. I know that I want to be rooted and established in love, not in material things, but its really hard when I get bombarded with that junk! I'm all for sharing some of the messy details of life!
ReplyDeleteAmy, I love the comments. I'm too lazy to comment on people's blogs, so I appreciate you taking the time. :)
ReplyDeleteNicole, I'm right there with you. And I'm totally guilty of only wanting others to see the great things in my life. I might not post about Pete and my fights on facebook, but perhaps here and there in this platform.
I can definitely see how it would be stressful to adjust your marriage to having a baby, especially when you aren't really sure what to do with the baby sometimes, are a bit more stressed (which doesn't take away from the joy and love I'm certain you're experiencing) and you are tired. Blargh, I have been having mood swings just from being worn out. I hope for all new parents (incld ian and me someday), that things calm down and get easier.
ReplyDeleteas far as Facebook, I've just about HAD IT with Facebook. It inspires jealousy, comparison, annoyance, etc. Sometimes I do learn a juicy tidbit or two, or figure out some news event is going on that I should know about. Overall though, I wish I could just cut it off. I spend too much time on there reading about junk. I wish I could just look at real friends' pictures and stuff, but I am drawn to all kinds of junk. Huge waste of my energy! Then I start thinking...why exactly am I posting what I'm posting? Sometimes it is to show my family/friends something or because something is interesting/funny, other times, I'm not so sure about my motivations. I think about what other people will think when they see my status. Oh so lame. Seems like everyone is on there though and like I will miss something important if I'm not.