Half Marathon

I've been wanting to write a post about my half, because I know some people are curious, and because I have so much to say about it. However, I should preface this by saying that I have so much to say about it that it might get jumbled and feel rambling.

Friday night Pete's parents arrived, along with his sister Kelli. Turns out it was a good thing I asked them if they could come to watch Addy, because Pete wasn't able to get Sunday off. His Chief told him on Friday that he had thought about it a lot, but he wanted Pete to work on Sunday. Isn't he a gem? I don't know him, but I don't care to.

Another one of Pete's sisters (Abby) arrived in St. Louis that night with her 2 friends who all flew in from the East coast to run the full marathon. I'm assured that there is "no way" they would have come to run this race if it wasn't for me, so it was pretty meaningful to me. Later I realized just how much it meant.

First thing Saturday we all set off for St. Louis to meet up with Abby and friends. Saturday was pretty uneventful, but it was a beautiful day and we enjoyed walking around and relaxing before the race.

Saturday night was a bit rough. I ended up waking up every hour. I think I was worried about Pete waking up on time to drive back and get to work by 6. Then the hotel alarm clock went off at 5am and woke Addy up too. So my day started early, but I checked my emails and found that my fundraising goal had been met overnight. Thanks to a few generous donors that finished off my last $400.

With no breakfast and little sleep, I met Abby and friends downstairs to walk over to the start line. This is where I realized how nice it was to be running with people I knew. Being in a crowd of 22,000 runners (plus spectators) felt a bit overwhelming. At one point everyone else was off to the bathroom/gear check/warming up and I was feeling pretty alone. But they came back and I ran the first 2 miles with Abby and Diana. That was nice too.

Besides seeing my friends Jenna and Nathan on the course (which was awesome!), I didn't know a single person along the course, but there were thousands of people out ringing bells, holding signs, cheering, and relaxing in really comfy looking chairs. 

Things went really well for the first 6 miles. Then I slowly started feeling less and less energetic and more and more pain in my hip and feet. By the end I was barely able to move and feeling a little sick to my stomach, but as that feeling waned, the feeling of accomplishment took over. Each day since I've felt a little more proud of finishing and a bit more surprised that I was actually able to do it.

Emotionally the race was pretty taxing. I had a lot of time to think about my mom, and life, about taking care of my body better, and it was all good in its way. I'm so very sad my mom wasn't there to see me running for her. I wanted her to see that I was willing to support her by raising money and pushing my body physically beyond what it has ever done. I know she would have been all along the course cheering for me, just as she always did for my step-dad.

I miss her so much. It's so hard to think that she's gone and that she'll never be back. I wish our story was different. I wish I didn't have a paralyzing fear of cancer. I wish I could make Christmas cookies with her and call her on the phone to tell her all about life right now. I wish she was still here. I wish it so very very much.