It seems my whole day was filled with thoughts of my mom. I felt on the verge of tears more than a dozen times. It's not even that I had some specific memory, although I was wearing a couple charms of hers on a necklace today. I found them when going through thousands of photos last weekend. It's from her graduation as far as I can tell. A '79 charm and a four leaf clover charm.
I don't have a ton to say about this other than that it's a long road and one that feels like two steps forward, one step back. I've basically been having a pity party too. I have a good friend who has been essentially absent in my life over the past several months and I've struggled a lot with this. Ultimately, I want to give her grace and say that we all fall short and are sinners and are imperfect people and imperfect friends. I'm working to get there.
I'm working to let go of a lot of hurt, but sometimes you have to live in it for a little bit first. Or maybe you don't have to, but I am, and I'm a little bit ok with that.
So today my heart hurts. I'm sad and lonely, even surrounded by people.
That sad and lonely around people thing? I think it's pretty common. We aren't meant to be comfy here. I'm blessed by your friendship. And I know the road you walk the next few years won't be an easy one. Praying the Lord comforts you in a way people cannot.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're having a hard time. You are one of my favorite people. Just FYI. Love you.
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