When I was in high school and looking at colleges (in those big paper books you get at the library, not online) I thought I wanted to be an independent, high powered corporate big shot. I wanted to live in the city and be in charge of things, like a company or something. Then I went to college and didn't know what the heck I wanted, but I wasn't so sure about the city part, which would make the whole running a big company thing difficult. I still wanted to be in charge of things though. Then I got married, and basically I am COO of Dawson, Inc. I don't make all the decisions around here, but I make sure things stay in motion. Now I'm working at home part-time and am really happy that I'm able to spend this time with my daughter. I think how unfortunate it would have been if I wouldn't have taken this step of faith and missed out on the opportunity to actually be the one to raise our kid. I could have probably kept on working and figured that we were doing what we had to do and things would turn out alright, but the more I see how Addy is developing the more I see how influential I can be in helping her become a woman we can be proud of, a woman who can stand on her own and be confident in her abilities.
That's not exactly where I meant to go with this. Not yet anyway. So a few years ago I started realizing my faith was not nearly as deep as it should be and that I needed to spend more time in the Word, more time in community with Christians, and more time with Christian women. This has all been extremely influential in my life. So it wasn't long before I noticed a trend in the women I admired. They are gentle, they follow their husband's lead, they are quieter (mostly), and seem to be more lady-like than the modern woman. But recently I've been questioning if that's really what I admire about these women, or if it's a mark of a good Christian woman, or if I just like people that aren't like me. So most recently I was thinking about how maybe I don't have to be like those other women, at least not as a whole, but that I can still be a little bit loud, a little bit unorganized, a little bit dry, and a little bit bossy and still be a good person and a strong Christian.
To help me sort it out I started to wonder what I want my daughter to see in me and what I want her to think about when someone asks her what her mother is like. I want her to think that her mother is a strong Christian, full of faith and hope in the one true Savior. I want her to think that her mother is strong and capable. I want her to think that her mother was giving and cared deeply for others. I want her to think that her mother loves with all her heart and without reservation. So maybe more than trying to be like someone else, I will start thinking about why God made me just the way I am and how I can use those unique skills to influence my daughter, and our little slice of the world.
I am glad you are happy and I think you made a good choice (not that you need the validation), but just want you to know that you would have been the one to actually raise Addy either way. :-)
ReplyDeleteAlso, it would be lame if you were lame. I like you how you are.